


Love is weakness

by SparkliestTrash



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Band Fic, F/F, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 01:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5271206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparkliestTrash/pseuds/SparkliestTrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa dedicates her life to her band yet it seems to be missing something. After much frustration and inner battles, she discovers what, or rather who is missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is weakness

There I was laying on my black comforter staring at the glow in the dark stars I stuck there when I was 9. I wanted nothing else than to be great, to never give up and to shine bright like a star. I wanted to be known for something. I was good at drawing but I wasn’t comparable to other people that were in my high school art class. I was good at being a leader but not as good as my older sister Anya, when she was around even if she didn’t say much, a nod or a look and people always listened to her. She really knew how to command a room. Music was my thing. I graduated high school and this was what I wanted to do right now, put all of my time and effort into. I was ready for late night shows, practicing daily, and recording albums. Anya, my best friend Indra, and someone Indra knew from when she worked at the army surplus store, Gustus, formed a group. Our band was called The Grounders. We were good, we had fans and facebook likes and people bought our albums but we weren’t great. We could be better. I wanted to be the best in town, everyone’s favorite.  
____

“We’ve got a show coming up guys, We need to practice more often or people will get bored of us” I said sitting on my guitar amp after practice in my parent’s garage that we converted into our band practice room. A green carpet that confined our practice area covered the concrete floor. On the opposite corner of the carpet, Indra looked at me with her piercing dark brown eyes as she carefully set her bass into its case. “Well I just think we need more new material” she said with her usual snarky attitude. She slung her old dark blue backpack over her shoulder as Anya, nodded in agreement. When Anya agreed, that usually meant that the decision was made. She had a force with people. She never demanded people to listen to her, they just did. They respected her. “Yeah, we’re definitely tight but I mean” she looked straight at me and ran her hands threw her black and dyed blonde hair, “we need something fresh and new, bands get old around here real fast”. She was right. It wasn’t a matter of practice but I didn’t want to admit it out loud of course. 

Gustus, as usual sat behind his drum kit that looked child’s toy next to him because of his sheer size. As per usual, he didn’t say anything unless being asked. Gus was indifferent to most things and didn’t say much but was he ever a great drummer. Anya and Indra, I was close to, but Gustus never seemed to be close to anyone and that was ok. I watched him take the last swig of his beer before I exclaimed. “Ok well, I’ll write a new song soon.” Indra tried to hide a smirk because she knew I knew I was wrong, she was my best friend after all. Anya broke the light pause and said: “Ok so what are you guys doing Friday? Can we practice again and Lexa, if you wrote something new, we can practice it.” When she said my name she looked right at me and I knew in order for the band to grow, I just had to write something new. I desperately want to be better and gain more fans that weren’t all people we knew. “If not, we just play our show with what we have.” Gus stood up and stepped out from his drums and nodded, Indra was applying chap stick onto her dark pink lips. “How about 6?” she said. Anya nodded and said “cool Lexa?” “Yeah” I responded. The pressure was on. 

They were looking to me to improve the band. “Awesome” replied Indra as she pressed the button that made the garage door make loud clanking sounds before it finally open up. “See you guys then.” Without turning around as she exited the garage and pulled up her baggy dark grey jeans then turned the corner onto the sidewalk. Gustus left right after, collected his things and got into his already small car but looked even smaller with him in it. Anya closed the garage door and waved out to him as he drove off. We stepped into the door that connects the garage to the living room. Now I just had to find inspiration to write a new song. The last song I wrote was months ago. I have nothing to talk about. All I’ve been thinking about lately is improving the band but I already wrote a song about that. This will be a challenge.  
____

It’s a bright and sunny spring day and I’m out walking my dog, a chubby Rottweiler around the block. I took a break from staring a blank paper trying to write new lyrics. Maybe I’d find inspiration doing something mundane like walking down the suburban streets that surrounded my house. While my dog stops to stiff a pole, on it I see a brightly coloured poster for the battle of the bands competition. Every year for the past 3 years, Mount Weather won. I hated that band and I hated Cage. The leader of the band is a rich kid who can do what he wants with women because he’s parents are both layers and is basically untouchable. He’s notorious for assaulting women, including some of my friends but everyone one turns a blind eye. He gave everyone but his misogynistic friends the creeps. Battle of the bands is a popularity contest anyways. The crowd votes, which is awesome in theory but sucks for anyone who isn’t part of Mount Weather. They’ve won several years in a row because their following of assholes. Well if we step up our band a notch we might have a fair chance to win. Could we win?  
____

I couldn’t write any new songs I still don’t have anything new to talk about. Nothing is inspiring enough. I feel like I’ve written about everything that matters and then some. I’m completely uninspired. It’s the night of our show and we have to play our usual material because I couldn’t write a new song. Indra has tried writing before but never liked what she had done enough to let us play. She was just as stubborn as me and would never risk her pride showing us something that we may not like. When asked Anya simply responds, “I don’t write”. She didn’t tell us more and with Anya, we know better than to ask more questions. Gustus, is well… Gustus. He just drums. He drums really well but all he’s ever interested in is playing drums and drinking beer. The room is dark and is getting hotter the longer we were in it. 

We’re on stage and the audience is drinking and chatter fills the room. Collectively, the conversations in the room are louder then the music the soundperson in the back of the room has on while we set up. We are nearly don’t setting up. Anya, Indra, and I are finishing up to tune. I look out into the audience and select few in the audience are paying attention. After our second song in this small venue, I take a swig of my whiskey and I look out into the audience for the second time to see if anyone, but mostly who, is looking at us. It’s usually a pretty good indicator of who likes us and who we need to go talk to after our performance. As I flip my long wavy brown hair out over my head, I see Clarke, leaning against the red brick wall that is dripping with condensation near the top of the wall. She’s a small blond girl who plays guitar and vocals for the Sky People. I’ve seen her but never really talked to her. I’ve never noticed that she had ever come to one of our shows before. Her green eyes glow and she looked down at her drink. “Aye!” Anya shouted, loud enough for just me to hear from my left. “Are we starting? The fuck are you doing?” Her shouting broke my attention. What was I doing? “yeah. Ok.” I mumbled. I noded to Gustus who started playing as soon as I counted them in: “and one two three”. 

We started our third song. Clarke swung herself off the wall closer to the right of the stage. She was second row staring up at me. I never looked directly at her but in the corner of my eye, I knew she was there and that she was looking at me most of the time. 

After we finished our set, I packed up as fast as I could. I don’t know what to think, I just wanted to talk to her. I finished packing my stuff up and I was already helping Gus tear down his drum kit and putting it into our band’s mini van. I wanted to talk to her. I still have no idea what to say but I wanted to talk to her. I could ask her about the battle of the bands. Her band competed in it for the past couple of years. 

Packing up everything in the van I looked around the venue. She was gone. I went outside to the front patio where people smoke between bands. Stretching my neck into the street, there she was. A block away, she turned the corner and her black and blue jacket, her long blond lock and her tall boots were out of sight.  
____

It’s been a few days since the show and I wanted to ask Clarke about what she thought about my band. We were second on the bill I’m sure she wasn’t there before and after our set, she must have come for us. Did she come just for us or was she there before and I didn’t notice? I’ve barely ever spoken to her before. I want to win battle of the bands and so does she, I’m assuming because her band, The Grounders, have lost for the last few years. I want to know. I want to see her.  
____

It was Saturday night; the band and I decided to go out to see a band we like called The Wildings but mostly we went to get drunk. I needed it. All I can think about is Battle of the Bands, how I can’t write new things, how we’ll never win and I’m thinking about Clarke although I would never admit it to anyone. 

The first band played, we came late, drunk and missed half of it. After they were finished, the lead singer from The Mountain Men , a tall, broad shouldered non-binary person named Kai, they were in my chemistry class in high school, got on stage. They crouched down to reach the mic that was adjusted too small for them. “So..” they spoke awkwardly but it caught my attention “City of Light couldn’t make it tonight, their drummer is sick or something so we have Sky People on next.” 

Their voice rang into my head. Clarke is here. I looked around and didn’t notice that she was sitting at the back of the room with her band and their gear waiting for Kai to finish to come set up. Looks like they’ve been there a while, judging by the cluster of empty bottles and glasses in the middle of their table. How could I not have noticed? I tried to remain calm, cool and collected so that my friends wouldn’t notice that I was caught off guard. Clarke’s band set up. I don’t even understand why it made me panic a little bit. 

Her drummer was a small but fiery girl named Octavia who I’d officially met casually at a show last December. On bass was Octavia’s boyfriend, a bald, muscular mixed older guy named Lincoln that I’ve never officially met. He was the type to linger around Octavia, so I’ve seen him around. On syths/keys and vocals is Raven, I recognized them because had dated an old friend in middle school I think. From what I’ve heard, they’re freakishly smart. On guitar and lead vocals was Clarke. 

My heart was pounding so loud that I was afraid that if this wasn’t a loud room, everyone would be able to hear it. It’s just because I’m drunk and surprised right? I’d never heard Sky People before but boy was I ever excited. They started their set and my drunken friends didn’t matter to me, I was completely and utterly engulfed by the music I heard and by Clarke, under the brightest spot light on stage. Her blonde hair and her white shirt shone beneath the stage lights. Her voice broke in the best possible way when she sang so emotionally and she was so into what she did. You could see the passion glistening in her eyes. The way she not only played her parts but she orchestrated her team, they collectively and individually sounded amazing. 

“Hello. Lexa, are you there?” Anya tapped my shoulder. It broke my attention, “yeah yeah, whats up?” I mumbled into her ear. “You’re really into this. Are you?” She teased but she was right. I held back all emotion how was I supposed to not melt right in front of her and tell her how much I’m enjoying this? I didn’t really know. Wait, why is she saying this, she must be drunk and jealous that I’m not paying attention to them. “I don’t know.” I hesitated. I wanted to make sure that I sounded neutral. Stretching myself close to her ear for her to hear, I said: “It’s good. Isn’t it?” She raised an eyebrow “Yeah but like.” She paused and looked at me. I knew that that look meant. She knew that something was out of the ordinary. I knew it was out of the ordinary but I too was having trouble understand what it was. I didn’t reply. I got up to get another drink to prove her wrong even if all I wanted to do was to watch Clarke.  
____

After their set I waited around and pretended to be busy on my phone as I watched Clarke pack up in the corner of my eye. The band was outside smoking or near the bar. The Sky People had put everything away. Clarke came and sat next me while I was looking down at my phone. It scared me because I let her out of my sight for the brief moment I wasn’t checking up on where she was. “Hey” she spoke loudly over the music. “I’m Clarke” she introduced herself. I quickly replied, “I know.” Shit, that sounds creepy. “I mean the scene is small you know.” I corrected myself. I laughed awkwardly and felt my cheeks burn up. “Yeah, and you’re Lexa.” She knew who I was. Stay cool. “Do you – “ we both spoke at the same time. She didn’t hesitate. “Do you want to jam or something? You were really good last time I saw you.” I smiled and caught myself starring at her lips. She wore the cutest bright pink lipstick I had ever seen. “Sure” she added. “How about on Thursday?” She added while I couldn’t stop smiling. “How about at 4?” I asked. “Yeah that works for me, mine or yours?” she asked. It really didn’t matter to me. The fact that I would be near her, possibly alone was an ideal situation. “It’s up to you, I have a good jam space if you want to come.” I suggested. The music was getting louder as the next band was sound checking over the music playing in between bands. People were coming from outside and settling in to listen to another set. In order to hear her, she stretched closer to my ear to reply: “That sounds great.” I could feel her breath moving my hair. She then wrote her number on the napkin next to me she claimed that it was in case things changed. I hope they didn’t. I texted her immediately so that she would have my number as well. “Hey it’s Lexa ☺” I texted her. She was now across the room talking to Raven. I watched her as she reached for her phone out of her jean pocket smiled and glance at me. I melted.  
____

Thursday evening rolled around and I put on my best outfit. A black button down shirt and black jeans with light brown boots. I wanted her to think I was cool and want to hang out with me again. The door bell rang and I ran down to answer it but Anya and my dog were already at the door. “Hi?” Anya was confused as she told our dog to sit and behave. I hadn’t told her about any of this. “Hey, is Lexa h-“had just turned to corner to the door. “Hey” I said. She looked great. I don’t know if it was because this would be the first time I saw her in natural light. She looked different. Her hair was glistening into the evening sun and she wore a white tank top with her blue jacket, I’d seen before. I had forgotten that she was right in front of me and that there was a silence. I snapped out of it. “Come on in, the garage is around the corner, keep your shoes on.” Anya turned around and looked at me, how does she know how flustered I am? 

Clarke followed me into the garage. I offered her a beer that she accepted and we sat on the red couch over looking the jam space together in silence. “I-“ she stumbled with her words. I looked straight into those green eyes. “I like your band.” She remarked. “Thank you. We’re not quite where I want us to be we’re missing something.” I take a breath and she listens carefully “I can see that, we’re always improving ourselves.” She added. “I want to win battle of the bands.” I said abruptly. “I want to win but those assholes Mount Weather always win because they have a lot of asshole friends who come and vote for them.” She listened then she spoke up, “I agree. I have a personal vendetta against Cage as well. He raped my friend and he assaults other girls all the time and it’s not fair that all of those white guys get to win just because they’re rich, powerful, and well, white guys.” The energy in the room changed. We both got emotional because I too knew people who were assaulted by him or his friends. I’m not emotional around anyone really. “He assaulted my friend too, I’m so upset that they keep winning every thing. I think everyone but them and their friends are upset about this” she gave me a comforting look. “I want to win and I want you to win too because your band is really great. I like the way Octavia plays the drums and Raven’s synths are perfect. I heard she built those herself and that’s so totally cool. Licoln, he’s is so skilled. Have you seen the way that guy plays bass? And you , you are-” I was out of breath and over stimulated. Somehow this made me emotional. I bit my tongue. She was smiling but then when I looked at her she was looking down at my lips. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “You are. Amazing.” I caught myself being emotional and I couldn’t keep being in this state of mind. I didn’t want to show weakness so I changed the subject quickly. “How about we jam a little bit?” She nodded and we spent the next few hours playing away.  
____

It’s Friday night and I can’t stop thinking about yesterday, I’m radiating. Not telling other people will prove to be difficult. What do I even say to them? I could tell them I think I like this girl? But what’s the point? I’m the rational one. The one that doesn’t take anything from anyone, what will people think of me if I were melting over a girl I just met. 

I get a text message from Clarke. “Can I come over? I have a plan” I feel my heart drop quickly then pick itself up and vibrate inside my chest. Fingers fumbling over my phone, I reply quickly: “Of course. I’m home right now.” I frantically get ready for when she arrives. My phone echoes the vibrations that I feel inside me: “Be there in 15” I can’t wipe the ridiculous smile off my face.  
___

I’m sitting on the red couch in the garage with the garage door open when she arrives. She parks her bicycle inside the garage. I can barely get off the couch to greet her before she says: “I have a plan! We can merge our bands into one band.” I’m puzzled but obviously excited by her proposal because the thought of spending time with her was ideal. “That way we can beat Mount Weather.” She added. My heart was racing. I kept quiet to properly process my thoughts and try thinking rationally like I usually do. I asked her: “How would being a 8 person band make us win? Isn’t adding more people just going to make it harder?” “When I saw you play with your band Lexa, I knew that it would work. You guys are tight; I can tell that it’s going to work. Both of our sounds are good we’re just missing something. You guys could use a syth and we could use some more guitar and other layers.” She was right. We could use more sounds. 

However, it probably made more sense to just get a new member to our band instead of 4 but, I couldn’t resist her. I could never bring myself to tell her no. I was so firm and people think I’m cold but not always, I’m soft and melting but only for Clarke. I paused for a moment; I was convinced by anything she said but I gave myself a moment to try and convince myself otherwise. “Ok, well you’re right.” I admitted. ”Both our bands are missing a little something.” For what I was going to say was hard to say. I wanted to stay in control but I couldn’t. It never crossed my mind to think about what the band thought because all I could see was Clarke’s eyes. “I trust you.” I told her. Her face lite up: “I think it’ll be a lot of fun and imagine watching an 8 piece band. Imagine how cool that will be!” She responded. She could barely calm her excitement; she was practically bouncing. However a sense of calm came over her. “I know that you don’t trust many people. People have told me and I can sense it. I appreciate that you can trust me because this will be awesome. I promise.” She grinned and I couldn’t help myself to silently grin but camouflage it with a small head nod and a tiny corner smile in acknowledgement. “Talk to your band, check with them and we can set up a time to practice. We only have a few months before we have to kick some rich white boy ass.” She smirked. She was about to collect herself to leave. She told me: “Call me when the final decision is made ok?”. She turned ever so slightly towards her bike behind her. 

“Wait,” I exclaimed which made her abruptly turn her neck facing me. I put my hand on her neck to guide her to me and we both leaned in. She kissed me so tenderly with her soft lips. I can’t tell you what happened in those few moments because I was completely lost into Clarke. I was getting kissed by the most talented and prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Then she pulled away. “I.. I can’t. Not now.” She abruptly said. I nodded. I accepted her answer. I don’t know why now was a bad time for her but I was sure she would open up soon. I mean, I know for a fact she kissed me back. Not now doesn’t mean not ever.  
____

“No.” exclaimed Indra as she figuratively and literally put her foot down. “No way. This isn’t a church quire. We’re a band. Where’s not joining some girl you just met’s band.” I sighed. I had nothing much on the pro side of the pros and cons list to combine bands. “I mean we’re missing something. I can’t write a song in time and you guys don’t write. We need more members to add something interesting to us. We’re not interesting.” The room fell quiet. More quiet than it was before, which is hard to beat. Anya spoke up. “It doesn’t seem like a terrible idea. A crazy one, but not terrible. I mean look at Broken Social Scene, they’re all different artists from different bands that come together some times and it sounds amazing.” Indra still seemed pissed off but since Anya said it, she lightened up a little bit. Gus’ reaction didn’t seem to change as per usual; you never knew what was up with that guy. “Fine” Indra said with attitude and crossed her arms. Even if she said fine, we knew that it wasn’t fine by her tone. “Let’s do it.” She still seemed mad but I’m sure she agreed because Anya did. 

Gustus out of nowhere, his face, for the first time changed. “I’ve had it with this bullshit. We practice several times a week, we play shows, we sell EPs and merch, people like us. Why do we have to change? There’s nothing wrong with us.” He paused. We were all in shock. I opened my mouth ever so slightly. Before I could say anything, he interrupted. “I quit.” He got up and no one said anything, we didn’t know WHAT to say, however we respected his decision. He packed up his drums into his tiny car and drove off. I guess this solidified our decision; we don’t have a drummer or a syth player who could emulate drums.  
____

“Cmon guys, we can do better than this.” Clarke exclaimed to the group. It’s been 3 weeks and we’ve been practicing every couple of days to try and get our 7 person band work. 

In the rhythm’s section Octavia the drummer, and Indra the bassist, both big personalities kept bumping heads. Licoln was previously on bass but now had switched to electronic drum pads and bass syths. Being old friends with Indra and being Octavia’s boyfriend, he was often stuck in the middle of them fighting. Anya was often annoyed and discouraged by our progress or lack there of. Raven was trying to rewrite and reprogram certain sounds and didn’t have enough time to have it to her liking. 

Clarke and I on the other hand would get a long on the most part. However, I feel like her goal was to get us to all get along and keep the peace but my ultimate goal was to win. I didn’t really matter who fought during practice as long as things got done and that we sounded tight and interesting. “If you guys keep arguing over stuff, we can’t progress” Clarke said looking at Indra and Octavia still bickering about which song they should learn, or what the other should do when they played something, who knows what they were fighting about this time. “Let’s flesh things out, so everyone is happy. What are you two fighting about now?” Clarke sounded frustrated but hopeful. Indra spoke up: “what sounds better?” Octavia and Indra played together, both in sync for once. They played so beautifully and both parts fused into one because they sounded so good together. We were all astounded. “Both sounded great. I haven’t heard you two play so well together before.” Clarke affirmed. They looked at each other in disbelief. “You girls are just trying to prove a point that your idea is better than the other but I think that’s what it takes. Don’t prove your point to us, if we work together and prove our point to the audience, we’ll win and we’ll get along.” The room was silent. Indra, having the attitude and the stubbornness she does said: “Fine.” She was moody as always but this time I felt sincerity in her voice that she wanted it to work.  
____

2 months went by and Battle of the bands was in a week. We had spent all of our free time working together to try and make it work. Raven was mentoring Licoln on the syths, and they created partitions that were out of this world. Anya was more upbeat, her head listened to reason and from the start wanted to join groups because it made sense for the band but I could always tell that her heart was not in it, she wanted things back how it used to be. But now, she even seemed happy about being together. 

Once I came home and, I went into the garage and Indra, who has the code to the garage door opener, was with Octavia. They were practicing alone, together. Who knew that they would get along? They still teased each other and would probably never admit that they actually liked each other but we all knew they did. I could see them become good friends. 

Clarke on the other hand, I’ve only seen in band settings, which was often but not often enough for me. We also never really spoke about what happened between us. Although I’m respecting her decision and giving her her space, I’m finding it harder to resist all urges to try and sweep her off her feet and shower her with flowers. I wouldn’t risk my pride to be rejected again however and to loose her respect for me. 

Anya never officially talked to me about Clarke and I and hadn’t made any remarks to me privately so I think she changed her mind on how I see her. I must be really good at hiding my feelings for her.  
____

It’s the night of Battle of the Bands. The gear is in the backroom, the band is taking up a table in the back of the venue, the room is filled up to the brim and I’m determined to win. Our sound is interesting, captivating and now it’s finally on time and everyone is in sync. The Mountain Men are first up on the bill. I sit with the band next to Anya and all I can do is think. What will go wrong? What will I be able to stop it? Are we really ready? All of this work for a 25 minute set. We’ve prepared 6 songs and we have 10 minutes in between sets to set up. 

I really want this to work. I want to beat Mount Weather. They can’t win once again just because they have friends. They’re terrible people and don’t deserve to win. As soon as I know it, the first band is off the stage and the second band; Mount Weather is setting up. I’m filled with rage but mostly determination. 

Clarke is laughing with Raven. Indra and Octavia are sharing earphones and listening to our set we’ve recorded last week for everyone to practice to. I can tell because Octavia is drumming on the table. Anya and Licoln are at the bar getting another round of drinks for everyone and I can’t stop thinking about winning and how angry this band makes me. How mad Cage and his gang makes me. 

Half an hour passes and it’s our turn. We hurry on the stage and start setting up. We know it takes a while because we have so many people with so much gear to bring up. Licoln and Raven get started as quickly as possible, positioning all of their equipment perfectly. After Anya and Indra finish plugging their bass and guitar in, they help Octavia bring up her drum kit. After we plugging in our guitars, Clarke set’s up Raven and her own microphone while I fix my mine and scatter set lists around the stage so that every member can see it somehow. The stage is small, well it’s not that small, but it’s small for us. We’re close to each other and the hot lights shine on us, which is making me feel sweaty already. That and I’m nervous but I won’t admit. 

As we finish setting up, I look out into the audience for the first time. They’re already intrigued. We look at each other, which is a sign that we’re all ready. Clarke introduces us into the mic. “Hello everyone, having a good night?” The crowd cheers and I watch her smile. “We’re The Alliance and this song is called All We Do.” She turns around and nods to Octavia who hits her drumsticks together to count us in. 

As we start playing, the crowd starts dancing and I can see that we’re all into our own headspace as we’re playing. This moment turns me into a trance. I’ve never felt this great and happy with the music we are playing. Once in a while my trance is broken by Clarke’s signing. When she gives her all, It’s like she’s all I can hear even in loud venues like this.  
____

After we finish our set, the MC for the night, a slim man in his 30s, comes on stage and introduces us again and the other bands that played. They call a 15 minute intermission where they would consult the panel and the crowd can vote for their favorites. That gives us just enough time to put our equipment away into the van.  
____

After the break, we come onto the stage along side the 2 other bands. I’m so nervous that I’m concentrated on not letting it show. What the MC says from now on is a blur until all I hear him say: “And the winners are The ALLIANCE!” I couldn’t believe it. We finally did it. I’m so incredibly happy but I try to not look overly happy. I smile as I am handed the trophy. I can feel a few bodies behind me bouncing with excitement. If I had to guess it’s probably Octavia and Indra. I know them well enough to know that they have two states of minds, moody and stubborn or excited and inspired. We pose for a picture for a few photographers in front of the stage and I smile as Clarke brushes my arm to get closer for the picture. That’s the first time she’s touched me since we’ve kissed.  
____

After everything is over and that we’re done talking to everyone, the band meets back where our van and the other two cars that belong to one of us are parked. Standing out onto the cold concrete floor below a bright moon on a crisp summer Saturday night. Everyone was glowing by our accomplishment. “well,” said Clarke softly. There was a lump into my throat because I knew what she was going to say. Everyone else caught on too, there was some sadness that lingered between us. “We did it.” She said with happiness that covered an air of sadness in her voice. “I guess that’s it, mission accomplished.” She laughed but she was still a bit sad. I knew what this meant. Octavia spoke up: “What does this mean? Are we still a band or?” Indra broke up the awkwardness: “I’d like to stay together.” Anya, Licoln, and Raven smiled and/or nodded. Clarke spoke up: “Yeah.” I nodded. “We can still be a band.” She added and smiled at me.  
____

After some chatter, Anya and I hopped in the van and drove the equipment home, Raven gave Licoln and Octavia a ride home and Indra drove Clarke home. 

The car ride was quiet. We had the radio blasting to our favorite station. When we drove we didn’t really like to talk, we liked to listen to music very loud. When we drove with anyone else, we could never put the music as loud because they wanted to talk but this was our thing. As Anya drove and I looked out the window. I knew that things would be different from now on. Summer is near the end, some of the band will be back in school or work and life will take priority before the band. Working around 7 people’s schedules will be hard. There won’t be a competition that would result and us seeing each other multiple times a week. 

Winning this competition is all I wanted for months and yet I didn’t feel quite satisfied. I don’t know what was more upsetting; that I didn’t feeling completely overjoyed after I’d just won or that I already miss Clarke.


End file.
